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Stefanie Zizzo, Life Coach
 


 "Move on."  It's a statement the bereaved have heard from friends, relatives, and even the souls.  But how do we move on?  Where do we find the tools to break out of the spiral of bereavement, and how do we continue in a new and more productive direction?

Stefanie Zizzo is a Life Coach who has been successful in helping many people find purpose, meaning and direction in their lives after many types of loss and personal setbacks.  Through her skill, understanding and ability to inspire, she helps her clients to think outside of themselves and their circumstance, in order to make the most of their journey on the earth.  

We are proud to feature monthly installments Stefanie's thoughts and inspirations on peeling away the issues that confine us, and learning how to enjoy life again.  


New Traditions

 This time of year is filled with tradition and expectations of what we feel “should be” (the media is especially good at portraying this). Reality usually does not match those expectations as each year brings new experiences, wisdom, growth and changes in our families, economic situation, and more. Yet how often do we “try” to keep things the same or at least believe they should be the same, despite all the change? Some sameness or tradition works, some does not.

Traditions are rituals or habits that have been passed down from family and society. They may include the meals we eat and how we eat them, gatherings we have, who we spend time with, and much more. Traditions often feel like “musts”, yet we can choose which to adopt, which to let go of and which to create.

When we have lost a loved one, this holiday time stretches our already raw emotions even further. Even though we may have begun to heal, it feels as if every emotion of grief comes flooding back like no time has passed at all. We wish the holidays would take a hiatus this year. Perhaps we can’t even imagine feeling joy and don’t want to be reminded of it or surround ourselves by it, or maybe we feel angry that the world is going on as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed. But it has, we have.

That change can be resisted by wishing things were as they used to be and “trying” to duplicate traditions to the letter OR that change can be embraced by letting go of traditions - for now or possibly creating new traditions - even if just for this holiday...

My story

The first holiday after my mother passed away was especially difficult. Only 4 months after her passing, the pain was intensified every time I saw evidence of the coming holidays in decorations, cards, peoples conversations and plans, television commercials and more… My mother, though not religious, loved the holidays. From the decorations to the beautifully wrapped gifts she so carefully and excitedly chose for me and my brother (this went on from our birth through our last Christmas together when I was 30 years old!)

I believe the holidays represented a sort of magic to her. That moment when seeing the delight, fun and joy we expressed as a family meant so much to her. It was also something I treasured – her expression of joy as she watched ours. That is what I remember most and even 11 years after her passing can still feel in my heart.

So that first Christmas without her was especially hard. I wanted to cancel the holiday, to completely ignore it. I avoided the stores so I would not be reminded, didn’t watch much TV to avoid the commercials, did not buy gifts or send any cards. I was boycotting the holiday. As it got closer I felt in my heart that this approach was making me feel worse not better. Avoidance was not the answer for me. What I wanted was to experience the warmth and joy that my mother had brought to this holiday. I knew that this year I could be the one that brought the warmth and love.

To do that, I decided to honor my mother by creating the story of her life in words and pictures – things I had collected years before for my family tree. I printed it and bound it and gave it as my gift to my father and brother. This acknowledgement of her and what she meant to all of us made it feel like she was still there in the room with us. That moment brought us closer for that day. We were remembering the past holidays, missing her, feeling her loss and absence but acknowledging and accepting it at the same time.

In the years since, my husband and I have created our own new traditions. One we truly enjoy brings that same essence of warmth and joy. It is our Christmas night gathering of friends at our home where we get together for singing, music, laughter and treats.

 

Thoughts for you

Think about what the holidays of the past, the traditions of the past, truly meant to you. See if you can look past the tradition itself and what it involved and go deeper to the true essence of why you enjoyed it or took part in it. Was it the essence of the social gatherings; feelings of warmth; comfort of familiar foods, time of giving; celebrations of faith; or perhaps something else?

Now come to the present moment.

What do you want this holiday time to mean for you?

Is there some essence of the past that you would like to re-create in a different way?

Do you want this time to represent something completely different from any you have had in the past?

Remember it can be any way you want it to be, for you, for now. What is important is that your choices honor how you feel and what you most need right now.


Many thanks to Stefanie for her valuable insights. 

Want to know more about how a life coach can help you? 
Please call Stefanie Zizzo at 919-744-9722 or email
stefanie@stefaniezizzo.com

 

 

STEFANIE ZIZZO

 

Stefanie is a career coach, life coach, speaker and workshop facilitator with more than 15 years experience working with individuals and groups who are seeking to discover, rejuvenate and/or transition their lives.

She is the author of The Journey From Comfort to Possibility: A Workbook of Self Discovery and Personal Transformation, which serves as a springboard to those ready to stretch out of their comfort zones and experience more of life.  The workbook includes exercises that take readers through an action oriented process of self discovery, creating a vision for their career and life, uncovering what keeps them stuck in their comfort zone and designing a plan to achieve a career and life that "fits". 

Prior to launching her coaching business, Stefanie served as Associate Director of Career Services at St. John's University in New York, working with students and alumni around career planning, fulfillment and change in her 11 year career there. 

Stefanie holds her Professional Certified Coach (PCC) designation through the International Coach Federation, is a graduate of the Institute for Life Coach Training, holds a Masters degree in Counseling and a Bachelors degree in Psychology.   She also serves as an affiliated coach with Think Work Play.com, an organization specializing in performance on and off the golf course as well as VocationVacations and The Coach Connection, and serves as Vice Chair of Chix in Business, Inc., a Triangle-area non-profit organization of women business owners who support and educate each other.

 

 

Stefanie offers one-on-one telephone career and life coaching to people throughout the country. She always begins with a complimentary telephone consultation to allow you to experience coaching and its benefits, for yourself.

To learn more, please visit Stefanie’s website www.stefaniezizzo.com and blog http://stefaniezizzo.wordpress.com/