Dear George Anderson:

The anonymity that this letter affords me, allows me to ask you what I can ask no one else.  Almost ten years ago, I attempted suicide.  I was in a coma for three days and placed on a ventilator and was very nearly successful.  Obviously I survived.  I can attest to that which the souls who have passed from their own hand have shared with you during discernments.  I was not in my right mind, and it did feel like a terminal illness of the soul from which I could not recover at the time.  I have no “near death” experience to bring me comfort and did not glimpse or feel the love of the Infinite Light.  The mental picture is of a door being shut on me.  It feels like rejection. And on my bad days, it is easy to feel like even God did not want me.

I recently lost my father, to whom I was deeply devoted. Almost four months later, my stepson, whom my husband and I raised, died of a heroin overdose at the age of 18.  I am struggling in the emotional aftermath of their passing.  I am overwhelmed by grief.  I am grateful to have read all of your books many years before.  It is the only thing that helps. 

What I would like to hear from you and what I need to know is that there was a reason I was turned away and sent back.  From reading your books, I can imagine what your response would be, that there was indeed a plan, a purpose and lesson that I had yet to fulfill. On a good day I can believe that but the bad days are harder to turn around now.  I try to hold fast to the belief that what God did He did for my ultimate good, and all the suffering in this life will benefit me in the hereafter.  Otherwise I am left with the disturbing feeling that I am so worthless that even God did not want me and the only person who ever truly wanted me, is now gone from this world.

I know you cannot respond to all letters, and I assure you I am not suicidal, but I would be very grateful for a response.  Through your books and the sharing of your gift, you have given me hope and comfort in the years past.  Whatever hope and comfort you can share with me now would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

D. H.

Dear D.H.--

I am glad to hear you read what the souls have told me over the years regarding suicide, and more glad that you took it to heart.  I believe what they have shared about turmoil and depression being an illness of the soul is among the most important things I have learned from them.

In reading your letter, I immediately thought of my father, who was nearly killed when he was a young man on the railroad, when two rail cars came together unexpectedly and crushed him.  As he lay on the operating table, he found himself already out of his body, and running through a beautiful field toward something beautiful he saw in the distance, but he was stopped--three men dressed in brilliantly white clothes stopped him, and told him he had to go back, that it simply wasn't his time.  He felt all their love and peace, but the words upset him--they repeated, "Go back, George, you must go back."  The next thing he remembered was waking up after the operation with a sense of sadness, even though his near-death experience was dazzling and beautiful.

He spent many years after that incident wondering why those souls wouldn't allow him to stay--he felt maybe he was not good enough, or spiritual enough, or maybe he hadn't earned it.  All he knew was that the beauty and peace of that place was so strong, he wanted to be there again.  Years had passed--he married his sweetheart, had four children, seven grandchildren, retired--but the memory of that place never faded.  On his death bed, he made us laugh, saying "Well now they HAVE to take me."  During those years, he  came to understand why he was sent back--he had a life and a journey to fulfill, and he had to live the life necessary to fulfill his life lesson on the earth. 

This is the same reason you are still here--you are simply not finished, and the Infinite Light loves you too much to short change you from your reward, which you will see when you are truly finished with the journey you have been set upon.  We are so much like children on the earth--we want what we want, when we want it, but just like children on the earth that we care for, we sometimes have to think for them, and do what is right for them, rather than what they think they want, even though they find it cruel.  The Infinite Light loves you enough to keep you on your path, so that when it is really your time to graduate from the earth, you earn your reward from every second of pain you endured here.  This is the single most important thing every soul learns--that everything they suffer through on the earth is rewarded so much, that they have actually told me they would go through all the misery again, just to have a fraction of the peace, love and beauty that they found on the other side.  They also understand that they had to earn it, and in retrospect, found that all their turmoil on the earth was a very small price to pay.  It must be beautiful beyond our comprehension if the souls are able to make that statement.

The souls have told me so many times that we are here to create "Heaven"  on the earth, in any way we can, and they tell me that it is through perhaps our worst and most trying experiences that the lessons are the most profound. Our goal is to bring peace and hope to others, in spite of our own pain.  It's the most important lesson we will learn on the earth, and the one that brings the most reward in the hereafter.

You have been chosen to bear the pain of loss and turmoil and still find a way to keep your hope and belief intact.  I don't know why, but I do know how important each second of it is to building a castle for yourself in the hereafter.  We do the work here so we can enjoy eternity there--it's something you'll have to remind yourself every day of your life, until it is your time to graduate from this world.  The Infinite Light loves you enough to prevent you from shortchanging yourself of a beautiful life hereafter.  I hope you understand how important your journey is, not only to yourself, but to the souls who are waiting for you in a world of joy.  Every day that passes, from now on, is a step closer to your dream.  You just need to find the will to hang on to your hope.  One day, just like my father, they will accept you with open, loving arms, and bring you to your joy.  Hold on until that fine day.

--George Anderson

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